Author Topic: Meanwhile, in the jungle...  (Read 2094 times)

Offline admin

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3877
  • In the heart of Shropshire
    • Lydbury English Centre Ltd
Meanwhile, in the jungle...
« on: December 11, 2017, 06:06:08 pm »
Two cannibal headhunters, Mbungi and Umpopo, meet one day in a sylvan
glade of the primeval jungle. Noting that his friend Mbungi was looking a
little drawn and peaked (indeed, doubled over in pain), Umpopo expressed
curiosity and concern:

"Mbungi, my friend, what is the matter?"

"Ohhh... I have great pain dwelling in my gut, Umpopo," replied Mbungi,
clasping his midsection as an agonizing spasm of anguish ripped through
him."It has been like this ever since just after supper last night. I
don't know how much more I can take."

"That is truly unfortunate, my friend," said Umpopo. "After supper, you might be something you ate. Tellme, Mbungi, did you have
anything special or unusual for supper yesterday?"

"Ow! Ow! Oh no, nothing special. Just the usual: missionary," at which
point Mbungi fell to the ground, writhing in torment.

"Bear with me," said Umpopo, furrowing his brow. "What kind of
missionary?Think carefully: it might be important."

"Franciscan, I think. Why?"

"Oh Mbungi, I think I know what the matter is! Quick: how did you prepare

"Boiled, of course. You know that I'm basically unadventurous in the
kitchen, Umpopo. Some of those missionaries can be pretty tough, and
nothing but boiling them for a good, long time will make them sufficiently
tender for the table."

"Oh poor Mbungi! Didn't you know?"

"Know what?"

"You poor fool, everyone knows that FRANCISCANS ARE FRYERS!!!"

Well, Umpopo got his ailing friend as quickly as possible to the jungle
clinic of Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who was found transcribing Buxtehude
cantatas for the organ. Upon examination the good Swiss doctor realised
that Mbungi was suffering from a simple intestinal bacterial infection,
and would only need a short course of antibiotics.

The problem was, of course, that antibiotics must be taken regularly over
a period of day to be effective, and Mbungi, like most of his tribe in that
sweltering, muggy jungle climate, had neither pockets nor clothing to
carry the pill supply about with him. Luckily, Doctor Al had had lots of
experience with this vicissitude of jungle life: he ground up two dozen
pills, mixed them with just enough water to form a thick paste, and soaked
it into a 24-inch leather thong, which he tied around the suffering
Mbungi's wrist.

"Mein Freund," he explained to his primitive patient, "listen to my
directions well, for you must follow zem EXACTLY to cure zis malady: every
zunrise, and every zunset, wizzout fail, you must cut off a piece of zis
thong vun inch long - zat's ze length of ze last joint of your thumb - und
chew it thoroughly, und svallow it. If you do zis faithfully, ven you
reachze end of your rope (zo to speak) ze disease vill haff gone."

"Oh thank you, thank you Doctor," bubbled the grateful Mbungi. "I will be
forever in your debt for this strong juju."

Ah, but less than a fortnight later, Mbungi was back in the clinic in
throes of agony, carried by the faithful Umpopo, who dropped him on the
examining table before the compassionate doctor.

"Mbungi, what's the matter?"

"Oh Doctor, My stomach is MUCH worse. Owowowowowow!!!"

"I dont inderstand zis; it vas a zimple bacterial G.I. infection. Did you
do as I instructed? Did you chew and zwallow a thumblength of ze thong
eachand every zunup and each and every zundown?"

"Owowowowow! Yes Doctor, I did."

"And you kept zis up until it vas all gone?"

"Owowowow! Oh yes indeed, Daktar! THE THONG IS ENDED, BUT THE MALADY LINGERS ON."
Best wishes,


Mr Tasker

  • Guest
Re: Meanwhile, in the jungle...
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2017, 08:26:16 pm »

Offline Darryl

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3007
  • Far North Queensland, Australia
Re: Meanwhile, in the jungle...
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2017, 10:41:35 am »
 ::) Groan!

Offline Bertha

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1195
Re: Meanwhile, in the jungle...
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2017, 11:31:41 am »