Author Topic: Dead Duck  (Read 2092 times)

Offline admin

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3696
  • In the heart of Shropshire
    • Lydbury English Centre Ltd
Dead Duck
« on: September 22, 2017, 08:58:24 pm »
It's a bit old but may have missed some of you...

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, Ma'am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
Best wishes,

Duncan

Offline JTL

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 216
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2017, 09:09:36 am »
I laughed louder the last time you posted this.   ;)

Offline Darryl

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2995
  • Far North Queensland, Australia
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2017, 10:20:49 am »
An oldie but a goodie!  :)

And what about the platypus who asked the chemist for a tube of sunscreen?
"That will be $7.50", said the chemist.
The platypus replied "Just put it on my bill."

Offline JTL

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 216
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2017, 01:33:13 pm »
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.

Offline Bertha

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1154
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2017, 12:13:10 pm »
That quacked me up.   ;D
Bertha

Offline admin

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3696
  • In the heart of Shropshire
    • Lydbury English Centre Ltd
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2017, 01:12:04 pm »
 :D
Best wishes,

Duncan

Offline Britta

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 896
  • Technical writer
Re: Dead Duck
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2017, 09:02:16 am »
I see you've had some fun over the weekend :)
If it's not used by a native speaker it's not idiomatic. And idiom trumps grammar every time. Jack Wilkerson†