Author Topic: Farmer  (Read 1668 times)

Offline admin

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Farmer
« on: June 26, 2017, 09:29:51 pm »
There is a young man, born in a farming community near Ipswich.

As he grows up he is not like other kids, instead of having pictures of
cars or trucks all over his bedroom walls, he grows up loving tractors,
can't get enough tractors. He has model tractors, tractor paintings,
tractor lights, tractor bed spread, just absolutely loves everything to
do with tractors.

Just after he turns 18, he hears about the latest model, Massey
Ferguson.

Top of the range has absolutely everything and it's coming to the local
show, it's going to be at the local fair, he is beside himself, for the
three months leading up to the show he can hardly sleep.

Show day finally rolls around, so he is off into town on his father's
tractor, he parks outside of the show, pays his money and in he goes, he
is looking, looking, looking. Then finally he sees it, there it is parked
inside its own tent, but it has a huge rope around it, with signs saying
"Keep out, do not trespass, keep off."

He walks around an around and around, looking underneath it, trying to
look on top of it, finally it gets the better of him and he jumps the
rope and hops up into the tractor, he sits on the seat, grabs hold of the
steering wheel and sits there going "BRRRMMMM, BBRRRRRRRMMMMM
BRRRRRRRRRRMMMMM."

Just then the security guards sees him, runs over grabs him by the arm,
and throws him out of the tractor and onto the ground, the young lad gets
up dusting himself off, and notices that all people are looking at him,
and he thinks to himself, Gee maybe I have a bit of a problem. Feeling
like a bit of a goose, he says to himself, "That's it! I'm swearing off
tractors forever ".

He leaves the show grounds and goes across the road to the pub, goes
into the bar, and orders himself a beer. While he is standing in the bar,
he hears an almighty "thud!"

From inside the lounge, where the meals are served, he goes running in
and finds everything covered in soot, all the tables, and all carpets
even the walls were covered in soot, the soot from the chimney had
collapsed falling into the room, just then the publican runs out, and
says, "what am I going to do I'm ruined, I have a luncheon here in half
an hour, with the delegates from the show".
Just then the young bloke says, 'Don't worry I'll fix it,' and the
publican says, "but how?"

The young bloke walks over into the centre of the room and goes
'ooooooopppppppp', and sucks every bit of soot up off the carpet, windows
and chairs, sucks it all into his lungs, then calmly walks over to the
window, opens it up and blows the soot out onto the street.

The publican stood there totally amazed, and said, "how the hell did you
do that?"

The young bloke said, "That was easy, I'm an ex tractor fan."
Best wishes,

Duncan

Offline t k

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Re: Farmer
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2017, 04:10:52 am »
I groan like a tractor.  :)  --- tk

Offline Britta

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Re: Farmer
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2017, 08:01:32 am »
Have been reading a funny page, Duncan, haven't you  ::)
If it's not used by a native speaker it's not idiomatic. And idiom trumps grammar every time. Jack Wilkerson†

Offline admin

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Re: Farmer
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2017, 08:02:20 am »
 :)
Best wishes,

Duncan